


Aristocats!AU

by betp



Series: Not!Fics [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-22
Packaged: 2017-11-22 00:04:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/603552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betp/pseuds/betp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Self-explanatory. Like everything else I do, I refuse to accept blame.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aristocats!AU

so _here’s_ what i’m thinking.

and i should say up-front that it’s probable all i’m going to manage of this is the following almost!fic.

but stiles, jackson, lydia, and scott, aged 17, 4, 5, and 6, respectively, are orphans living with a rich guy in france around the turn of the century. because aristocats. only they’re not cats. they’re just people.

stiles has been living there since he was a kid, he grew up with the rich guy’s son, danny. (stiles has a mad crush on danny. danny doesn’t particularly like stiles, but he’s a super nice guy and treats him well.) stiles’ job now is general butler-type shit, and also taking care of the children. they had a governess, but she is gone. where? i don’t care. aristocats.

anyway, stiles makes them learn piano, and reads to them and shit. they like him a lot, especially scott.

jackson’s a grump and wants to fight all the time; his parents left him on the doorstep. lydia’s parents died on a boat that sunk; she’s actually a cousin of danny’s. she’s also having a bit of trouble reconciling her desire for independence and autonomy with her understanding of femininity and her young age. scott’s favourite colour is blue and he wants to be a doctor; his mother was a nurse, and scott likes to help people, and also look at blood. stiles is lonely, but he hangs around because he loves the children, and he loves danny, and also he has this irrepressible sense of loyalty. all in all, shit could be way worse, and stiles does the grocery shopping and the grocer’s wife pinches his cheeks and tells him he’s a strapping young lad and lets him have an extra éclair (because france!), so _cool_.

but uh-oh: trouble in paradise! danny’s father is dying, and his advisor (he advises him in matters to do with aristocats), adrian harris, finds out he is bequeathing a bunch of money to stiles and the kids, so that they can go away to school or move out or just have the money. whatever they want! harris is displeased! he hires some dudes to kidnap and kill the orphans. only they’re probably really shitty at kidnapping and killing, and somehow the orphans end up abandoned in the countryside.

enter derek, super grumpy guy, also an orphan, and not a hundo percent on the right side of the law?? _basically_ he doesn’t have a job and he steals things occasionally. food, mostly. he and his friends typically squat in this abandoned slum in paris. he just went on his yearly trip to see his old house, which is now a pile of burnt rubble. derek does not sing his own theme song, but be aware that it exists. (hale, the incredibly grumpy wolfguy.) (it doesn’t rhyme.) (aristocats!)

anyway, so derek’s boppin’ along this dirt road, humming to himself (abraham delacey! guiseppe casey! derek! hale!) when he sees stiles and the kids, who have just climbed up from the riverbank and are standing around, dressed in really nice (but wet) clothes, looking terribly lost. stiles asks him where they _are_ , which is sort of a red flag for derek. he tells him, and stiles acts like this is a travesty, and scott pipes up that mr. harris did this to them, and jackson is like _shut the fuck up, scott, that was a dream._

derek agrees to show them the way back to paris, since he’s headed that way anyway, and he figures he’s got to atone for his sins by punishing himself with a teenager and three talkative kids.

lydia adores him immediately. (stiles does not in any way adore him. it isn’t like his stubble and green eyes are extremely attractive or anything, it’s not like his long-suffering, secretly-fond attitude towards the kids is devastatingly endearing or anything, b-baka)

they’re a couple days in when jackson and lydia get into a fight right at the edge of a bridge, and stiles tries to stop them before one of them falls off, but while he’s doing that, ironically enough, _scott_ falls off. plunges into the river! aaa! he’s drowning, someone save him! derek hops in, gets him out of the river, and stiles is super grateful you guys.

 _super_ _grateful._

aristocats!

stiles and derek compare my-parents-died stories. turns out stiles’ mom died of a fever, and his dad was the sheriff and got killed In The Line Of Duty. derek’s parents were super rich, but their house burned down! derek was supposed to get inheritance from them when he turned eighteen, but a lady seduced him and stole it all from him. i wonder what her name was OH WAS IT KATE ARGENT oh man. anyway now derek has trust issues?? 

they finally end up in paris, stay the night at derek’s shitty place that he shares with his BFF sissies, boyd, erica, and isaac. they’re a jazz trio on the street corner, usually! boyd plays the trumpet, erica sings, and isaac plays the bass! they do a song for them, probably. they’re really good, and they really like stiles and the kids. stiles plays the piano with them, i think.

(just picture his fingers playing a piano jfc)

(sorry)

(aristocats)

after they leave (which: where are they going? _oh well_ ) stiles puts the kids to bed and sits up on the roof with derek for a while, and they’re both a bit tipsy, but derek in no way compares stiles’ eyes to amber, and stiles doesn’t even slightly tell derek he’s amazing with the kids, and there isn’t a single drop of passionate kissing under the stars, because that would be dumb and weird and silly and no one here wants _that_ LMBO!!!

afterwards, they sober up a little and derek tries to see if stiles will stay with him, but stiles is like “no they’re just kids i have to get them back home” and derek is like “so you’d rather be with danny” and stiles is like “i have to take care of the kids, they need me, and also i’m indebted to danny and his dad for taking care of me since my dad died, and also i’ve only been in love with danny since i was seven,” and derek is like “it’s cool i get it” and he’s just like _well it’s the story of my damn life, the first time i fall for someone since fukken kate and we can’t be together my liFE IS SO HARD AWOOOO_ and stiles says he’s sorry and kisses him one more time and then heads back into the house to sleep and sulk and derek just hangs out on the roof.

and usually derek would respond to his depression with cursing his existence and wishing he’d never been born or wishing he’d died in the fire, too, but now that he’s saved stiles and the kids, brought them back to paris, saved scott from the river, he can’t help but wonder if they’d have made it back in one piece if it weren’t for him. he can’t wish that on them, so he can’t wish he was never born. so now he has no outlet for his depression and he just drinks until he falls asleep. if this were a movie he would sing a sad song here. (which is weird because this was a movie, and there was no sad song here.)

anyway so the next day they go back to the house and stiles is like _jfc finally_ , but he’s sad because _derek,_ he wants derek and the kids want derek (and derek wants them) but derek just sort of slinks off into the shadows while their backs are turned and stiles is like _fuck_ , because he almost had someone, he almost had derek, but maybe derek never really wanted them at all if he just ran off like that??

but uh-oh: trouble in trouble! harris finds out stiles and the kids are aLIVE and he pulls them into the horsey stable and he’s got a knife and he’s gonna do a kill on them! it is scary _trust me_  

and stiles is like “no ok they’re just children you can’t kill them what is wrong with you”

and harris is like “i already tried to kill them but i guess if you want something done right”

and stiles is like “jesus how about you just let the kids go, let them go back to derek, and you can kill me. just let them go find derek and you can slit my throat i promise”

and harris is mostly just amused stiles fell for some guy he met on the streets, like he fell in love with a hobo and harris laughs at him a lot. and he isn’t gonna do it, he’s gonna kill them anyway!

but it’s ok because derek and the jazz crew save the day. there is a fight scene. so. just close your eyes for me, picture a fight scene ok.

like, stiles gets the knife away or something. uh. someone does an axe-kick on harris’ head. boyd can fly, i don’t know. _i don’t write fight scenes idgi_

they win, and stiles is super grateful you guys.

 _super_ —he pins derek against the wall and makes out with him good-style. and the kids are like, “yay! we are children,” and derek is like “omg” and boyd and the jazzers are like “we ship it” and stiles is like “damn derek how’d you get in dem jeans girl”

and harris gets mailed to timbuktoo??? i’m not clear on the details (except aristocats)

anyway, stiles drags derek into the house with them, and after expressing jubilation that stiles and the children are ok, danny is like _who the fuck is this_. and stiles is like, “this is derek and he saved our lives and also i’m crazy in love with him ok” and danny is like “can you cook” and derek is like “what? yes” and then derek’s the cook! hooray! that was easy. 

maybe you’ll get a scene of danny’s dad combing derek’s hair, and then boyd and the betas barge in and perform a stompin’ reprise and everyone is happy because aristocats!

everybody wants to be a werewolf! because a werewolf’s the only werewolf that knows the bite’s a gift!

—uh

sorry


End file.
